I guess that's one way to get over an ex...

Last night I got a package in the mail from the ex-boyfriend who broke up with me last Sunday. Priority United States Postal Service.

He wrote a short but very sincere letter, and returned all the things I'd left at his house:

• A few Brazilian CDs he'd borrowed
• A book I thought he'd enjoy reading
• A tupperware bowl with lid (a good mixing bowl is hard to find!)
• A half-empty travel-size container of face wash
• A toothbrush

Ouch, toothbrush.

Strangely, I feel a little better now about the breakup.

Getting Dumped: The Pros and Cons

I like to make lists.  I also just got dumped.  What a better time to make a nice light list of the pros and cons (not that it was a decision I have a say in, or anything)

Why getting dumped just totally sucks:

1. The whole terminology, "getting dumped" just sounds yucky.  Isn't "dumped" what happens to things that are eventually flushed down a toilet?
   
2. All those new mutual friends he introduced me to... are no longer mutual.  He gets full custody.
3. Odds of ever getting back those 3 Brazilian Groove CDs:  slim to none.
4. I had been learning Russian and LOVING it.  Now I get to practice with... my boss?
5. Single once again in New York City.
6. My social life for the foreseeable future:  Me and my CFA books/practice tests, 5 more weeks of marathon training, and my robotic, workaholic colleagues.  Although I did just download a pretty picture of Colorado scenery as my new computer desktop.
7. Ben & Jerry's does not as of yet make a line of post-breakup flavors-though maybe we have some potential. Let's start with "Suddenly Strawberry Single-cake", "Cry Me A Raisin", "Just Got Dipped" or "Stupid Boys-n' Berries."
8. The whole "it's not you, it's me," isn't at all comforting, and admitting "he's just not that into you" is just so cliche.  Nobody likes rejection.  Let's start a movement to reject rejection.
9. Humor may be a band-aid, but moving from "boyfriend" to "ex-boyfriend" is a painful process.  Especially when you listen to the "our songs," look at old pictures, remember little inside jokes, or come across something that triggers a certain memory together... and then remember that you're no longer together.

Why there is most likely a rainbow on the other side of a breakup:

1. Think of all the extra time now I'll now get to devote to the CFA exam (aka my three other boyfriends, Charlie, Francois, and Alexander).
   
2. Learning Russian is pretty easy, so why stop now?  And even better, it has made me realize how much I like learning languages.  How about Chinese next?  
3. I guess this means I can throw away this Jalapeno-Ginger flavored butter he and a buddy made guilt-free.  Not a big Jalapeno fan.
4. That $100 Niketown gift card I won, and was planning on sharing with him so that we could go running together?  Hello new running shoes and new marathon-outfit!
5. Single once again in New York City.
6. I like garlic as much as the next person, but no longer do I have to eat full raw cloves just to stay kissably-competitive.
7. Though I am a huge fan of the NYC subway system, no more train rides to the very end of the line.  Which also conveniently minimizes the odds of running into him on the one day you leave your apartment in sweats, no makeup, and haven't showered in 4 days.
8. You have to get dumped before you can have that inevitable post-breakup encounter with the dumper.  At a time, of course, when you will look absolutely stunning and will be radiating total fabulousness, leaving him wondering what ever was he thinking breaking up with you? 
9. I have an amazing sister and some pretty fantastic girlfriends who are unconditionally supportive, will always take my side, and still want to hang out with me despite months of ditching "girls night out" for "date night."